tjvj ([email protected])
Wed, 11 Nov 1998 22:12:21 -0700
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>
>----------
>> From: Shawnna R Holtz <[email protected]>
>> To: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected];
>[email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected];
>[email protected]; [email protected]
>> Subject: Shawnna Holtz <[email protected]>: FW: If men ruled the world
>> Date: Tuesday, October 27, 1998 8:55 PM
>>
>> --------- Begin forwarded message ----------
>> From: Shawnna Holtz <[email protected]>
>> To: "'Shawnna Home address'" <[email protected]>
>> Subject: FW: If men ruled the world
>> Date: Tue, 27 Oct 1998 10:36:42 -0600
>> Message-ID: <7135291D885CD21197400008C7F425788AF4@nt_exchange>
>>
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
>> Sent: Tuesday, October 27, 1998 10:18 AM
>> To: [email protected]; [email protected];
>> [email protected]; [email protected];
>> [email protected]; [email protected];
>> [email protected]
>> Cc: Patti J. Babcock; Scott Clark; Michael Cook; Ellen Crichton; Tim
>> Dewing; Mike Fleming; Patrick Fleming; Glen Goedken; Griesing, Mari;
>> Steve Holles; Shawnna Holtz; Kurt Johnson; Jeanne Kizer; Carol Mahre;
>> Roger Mahre; Jim M. Noha; Miles Oustad; Steven H. Prange; Erika Rich;
>> Rieger, Kent; Barbara Schulte; Craig S. Silverman; Paul D. Stanko
>> Subject: FW: If men ruled the world
>>
>>
>>
>> If Men Really Ruled The World
>> 1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward
>> your call to her real number.
>> 2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable
>> response to "I love you."
>> 3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
>> 4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
>> she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a
>> time-out.
>> 5. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice
>> hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
>> 6. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
>> 7. You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd
>> worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."
>> 8. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the
>> NFL team of your choice.
>> 9. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
>> 10. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an
>> acceptable excuse for tardiness.
>> 11. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump
>> out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into
>> your car like Fred Flintstone.
>> 12. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned
>> helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
>> 13. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the
>> "public ugliness" ordinance.
>> 14. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
>> 15. Garbage would take itself out.
>> 16. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
>> 17. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your
>> wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
>> 18. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only
>> occur in leap years.
>> 19. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to
>> go drinking. Mother's Day, too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain
>> exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
>> 20. "Cops" would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the
>> pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
>> 21. Two words: Ally McNaked.
>> 22. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed
>> off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in
>> world history.
>> 23. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat
>> the losers.
>> 24. The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night
>> Football from a Different Camera Angle.
>> 25. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you
>> returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
>> 26. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per
>> year.
>> 27. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded
>> with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you
>> were going?" You: "All I know is, I was
>> spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
>> 28. Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."
>> 29. The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
>> 30. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
>> 31. Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
>> 32. Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of
>> conversation.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> --------- End forwarded message ----------
>>
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This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b2 on Wed Nov 11 1998 - 21:17:01 PST