John J. Hlavaty ([email protected])
Wed, 7 Oct 1998 11:32:28 -0400
Recently I have had a very bad experience on a
U2 mailing list. The details are unnecessary. What's
important is that people I truly respected and admired those
people considered my posts nothing more than
long-winded, ego-driven diatribes. These words stung
at my soul.
I realize that often my notes are long. As a result, I
do not post as often. I try to reserve my posts for
issues that truly matter to me. But those comments
made me feel that the research I have done simply to share
with my fellow U2 fans was meaningless; that the time I took to
carefully choose my words was considered nothing but hot air.
This truly hurts, possibly the worst feeling I have ever
experienced during the 4 years I have interacted on on-line
U2 groups. This situation makes me rethink my whole attitude about
associating on these groups. If people I admired and
respected feel this way, how many more? How
many more have unspoken negative thoughts about my
words? How many resent my presence and feel that
my words are nothing more than nonsensical jargon?
Each day I get notes from people thanking me
for taking time to post intelligently. But when people
I deeply respect feel that those same notes are nothing
but "hegemonic rhetoric" I question whether it's worth it.
Hegemony... I never felt that I was trying to push some
preponderant influence of authority over others.
I always felt I was just presenting my side. But at what
cost? How many did I hurt in the process? What
did I lose?
What's worse is that whether the list be WIRE, EXIT or
ONE, my recent posts seem to always be the same.
I'm defending a stance. It's stopped being about U2.
It's stopped being fun.
I still read the numerous flames on WIRE and realize
this will never change. Nothing I can do will stop
it and I wonder if I ever should have even thought
I could change it. I see the elitism of EXIT and see how
readily it is accepted. U2 was meant for all, not
for a select few. I see the intolerance on ONE and know that
my views are rejected. U2 are about acceptance of
all views, not just the ones that others believe.
The trouble is, none of this is really about U2 - it's stopped
being about U2 for a long time now.
As U2 fans, we should all be in a state of nirvana.
Since the start of 1997 we have had our fill of U2.
A new album, b-sides, remixes, a world tour, now a new
song and album with rumors of a 1999/2000 release
of a new album/tour circulating. But instead, I
see endless complaints and arguments. Even my attempts
at humor were met with disaster. I find myself defending me
and U2 time and time again. This is not why I joined
the U2 internet community. It's stopped being about
U2. It's stopped being fun.
It's with this that I say goodbye. It's become clear
that it's time for me to move on. My ego felt
that I could make a difference. Apparently, my
ego was quite wrong. PLEASE do not interpret
these words as my attempt at pity. Far from it. I find
this quite refreshing. It's as if a burden has been
removed. I am now free. I have unsubscribed
myself or have been removed from each U2 mailing list.
It's time I go away for a little while...
I once feared this step. This was one area where my ego worked
overtime. I worked hard at establishing myself in the U2
internet community. I wanted to be a voice of reason.
I wanted to be a source of reliable information. And once
I felt I had accomplished that, I didn't want to let go.
I didn't want newer U2 fans not to know who I was.
Pathetic, huh? It took me a while, but I finally have
learned to pass this. And once I did, I had to assess the
value of remaining in the U2 internet community. I still
have many great internet friends. I am still in awe at
the generosity showed by many members on the
mailing lists. I still enjoy the hard work people put into
various web pages and posts. But overall, it's stopped being
about U2. It's stopped being fun.
So I thank you all for your countless enjoyable posts and
support over these past 4 years and I wish you all the best.
I will still be around in spirit, examining Darci's web site
for tidbits of U2, but I must move on.
Ciao,
John
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b2 on Wed Oct 07 1998 - 08:38:24 PDT