Greatest Hits

Lilith ([email protected])
Sun, 06 Sep 1998 02:53:39 -0400

You're right people, Something Must Be Done -- don't you know that
releasing "Greatest Hits" collections causes warts, hair loss, thinning
gums, water weight gain, dogs to run mad through the streets, makes the
divorce rate rise, makes the Dow-Jones fall (or rise, whichever one is
bad, I have no freaking idea), causes the seas to rise in wrath and the
earth to shake, blasts holes in the ozone layers, makes whales and
dolphins beach themselves, and is in general one of the signs of the
Coming End?

Just check your copy of the Bible in "Revelations" -- it's right there,
I swear it is, just after all that stuff about Armageddon.

Here is a novel solution to the "problem" everyone is having with U2
releasing whatever the hell they want of their stuff: don't buy it.
Really, it works for me -- when I don't want something I _don't_ go out
and get it, I don't put it in my home. And if one of my friends or
family members is so misguided as to give me something I don't want
(such as a U2 cd of songs I already have) then there are ways of
disposing of said item (if it is a cd): the used CD store (expect to see
loads of these supposed "best-ofs" to turn up at such places), giving
the cd to someone else, running a piece of string through the center and
hanging it from your rear-view mirror (I have seen this), making
experimental "art" by putting it in the microwave, using it as a coaster
(a friend used to do this with free cds he would get when he worked for
a record label), and so on.

All in all, it could be worse. U2 could, instead of releasing their
"best" songs (or whatever it is they are planning to do) in possibly
remastered and enhanced format, release the opera version of Achtung
Baby, with Placido Domingo and Luciano Pavarotti doing vocals, and the
London Philharmonic doing the instrumentation; they could be having all
their songs covered by Celine Dion; they could be working with the Spice
Girls on Spiceworld II; Adam could start dating Monica Lewinsky; Edge
could shave what is left of his hair off, get a nose ring, tattoo a
pentagram on his chest and join Marilyn Manson's band (calling himself
"Monica Dahmer"); Larry could do a Mentos commercial; Bono could....To
tell you the truth I can't think of anything right off that Bono is
_un_likely to do. But you get the idea.

As for the arguments that releasing "Greatest Hits" collections will do
some mysterious Bad Thing to U2's "artistic integrity" -- well, there is
a loaded and unresolvable argument if there ever was one. For the
preceding to be true, we first would have to establish just what
"artistic integrity" _is_, and I'm not the one who is presumptuous
enough to do that.

Lilith

--
I dare you -- to be real;
To touch -- to touch the flickering flame....

This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b2 on Sat Sep 05 1998 - 23:57:23 PDT